Count your Blessings

At our flow up appointment I learned that both of my tubes are fully blocked and would need to come out in order to have IVF work properly. That's a hard reality to swallow, to know that you will never naturally conceive your own children is a hard thing to wrap your head around. 

Yesterday, May 20th, I had my surgery to remove both tubes. I was unable to eat or drink since midnight the night before and was unable to have my usual morning coffee, Chris decided he wouldn't have his either. Once we got to the hospital he couldn't wait any longer so we headed to get him a coffee, while standing in line I turned and looked out the window and there was a gentleman who had just had his legs amputated sitting there with family laughing and carrying on, I suddenly felt so guilty for all my worry and upset over my own surgery, this is nothing compared to what some people go through. Seeing this lifted my spirits and I went into surgery with a positive outlook: it could be worse. 

As soon as I came out of the anasthetic for some reason all I could do was cry and I mean sob, the nurse asked if I was okay and if I was having any pain, all I could answer was "I'll never naturally conceive my own children"  this made her cry and she excused herself. As I was feeling sorry for myself and trying to wake up more I looked over and the lady on the next bed in recovery had just had a leg amputated! She says to me "dear you don't look so happy" all I could get out was "you're so strong" as I stared crying again thinking it could be worse. This lady had just lost a part of her body too, but one that would affect her daily living, how she would be able to live her life and I have this mere bump in the road that sends me through a different course of conceiving a child. I come to find out this lady had her tubes removed at 22 and never had children, she could relate to how I was feeling. I couldn't get over this woman's bravery. God works in mysterious ways to show you your blessings and I definitely felt him yesterday. The day before surgery I asked God that whatever path he has chosen for me, to please make sure it is a beautiful one.

I am now at home recovering and it is somewhat painful, but I have an amazing husband who is taking good care of me. We will hear from the fertility clinic who will be doing our IVF, within the month and book our consultation. On to the next step in this crazy journey! 

The Great Waiting Game

I'm really bad at writing a blog. Oh well. 

Here we are in April, we have taken a break from renovations on the house over the winter, we will be back at it again soon.

January of this year we had our first appointment with a fertility specialist, only took 8 months to get in *rolls eyes*

They sent me for more test and last month I had an HSG test and it was determined that BOTH my Fallopian tubes are blocked. Great. Just great. I have a follow up appointment In 2 weeks where we will get some more information, discuse IVF and book me in to have a laparoscopy to confirm the blockage. When things like this happen to you, you start to notice pregnant people everywhere, it feels like the whole world is getting pregnant but you.  In the midst off all this my husband and I decided to take a vacation to clear our heads and come to terms with the fact that we are now facing IVF so we booked a week in Panama. We just returned yesterday from an an amazing relaxing vacation that was definitely needed for the two of us to feel normal again. We stopped in at my father in laws to have dinner and share the highlights from our trip when we arrived my brother in law and girlfriend were there as well. We all sat down for dinner when my brother in law announces that they are pregnant. Excuse me. I didn't hear that correctly. Pregnant? What a punch to the stomach. I get that other people live their lives but I hadn't even been back in the country more that 12 hours from a vacation that was supposed to put our infertility problems on the back burner only to have this throw at us. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, but that announcement could have waited a week until we settled back into the reality that is our lives. So here I am again feeling sorry for myself. So much for trying to ignor reality. So April 14th we will find out more and what our next step is, here we go, back at it in the great waiting game.

    Sunrise in Panama

The Begining

        

This is our 130 year old house when we first purchased it. When you look at this picture you probably don't see too much wrong with the house. She has good bones as the original owners cared for and maintained it for 100 years, then she was let go, changing hands a few times before we bought it. I understand that an old 4 bedroom farm house can be a lot to take on but let's start with the little things shall we.

                                   

 

This is the living room facing the front door. The carpets are hideous and stained, the tile for the wood stove is just placed on the carpet and when painting the walls, why bother moving the bookshelf? Just paint around it! No one will ever know! 

                                   

Inbetween the bedroom and the stairway is an air return vent, you can't see it because it was carpeted over, the heat sheild for the wood stove is steel barn roofing, beautiful isn't it? This apparently passed in the W.E.T certification of the stove. Oh and if you look really closely you can see Winnie the Pooh hanging from the ceiling fan.

                                   

Once again notice the lovely stains on the carpet, I don't think the couch or the coffe table were ever moved since the carpet was laid. The doorway leads into our dinning room, notice the pale blue walls? Keep that in mind as we travel through the house, you will notice a trend.

Where to Begin

3 years. The last time I posted was 3 years ago. I know nobody reads this blog unless passing through the countless blogs on the web, I just wanted a place to write my thoughts. I never really did have an idea of what my blog would be about, so I never really wrote anything, but in 3 years a lot can change.

In 2012 my husband and I bought our first house. It is a 130 year old farmhouse on a bay with a gorgeous view. That is the reason we bought the house, you can change a house but you can't change its location. We are in the midst of what feels like at times, an overwhelming amount work to bring this house back to life. The previous owners had neglected to maintain, repair or upgrade what seems like everything in this house, thanks to that though, we were able to buy this house for a price that felt like stealing. It is all worth it at the end of the day when we can relax on the front porch and enjoy the sunset over the bay.

At the beginning of the same year we decided to start trying for a family. We had tried for the last two years, nothing. Went to our doctor.....  Informed this week that we are now members of the infertile club.

My blog now has a purpose, I will use it to document our journey through home renovation and infertility. A nice little nook in the world to store my thoughts and pictures to look back on one day and reminisce in the craziness.